FEELING BLAH

Felling Blah

Haven't posted in few days been feeling really down. Want to drink, want to get high, want to run. No I haven't drank, done drugs or ran yet. I have worked everyday this week and exhausted. I have cried everyday this week at least twice a day. Feeling alone and just sick. Then to hear someone say I am just faking mental illness so I don't have to take care of my responsibilities really ticks me off. Really wish they could live in my head for a day even. The voices have started being mean again and won't shut the hell up. I work and then come home. I don't go out anymore. I don't hang with friends. And I don't want to be.  That is all for today.

Heather Cole 

TO DRINK

To Drink

I stop and think.
Why did i start to drink?
To forget the faces in my head.
Help me sleep.
Feel a touch without flinching.

Why did I get high the first time?
The drinks stopped working on my mind.
Became numb and able to cope.
To not see the faces that hurt me.
The dope gave me false hope.

Faces disappear.
When feeling no fear.
Later you realize the face never went away.
Only hiding waiting to come out and play.
Always a memory away.

Shutting people out.
Not giving people a chance.
The faces always haunting me.
Hiding and getting high all alone.
Trying so hard to make the faces be gone.

I'm getting ready in my own mind.
To leave the faces behind.

To end my life at the right time.

Written By: Heather Cole

                    5/2018