I'm Back

I'm Back

      I last blogged on August 31, 2018 and it's been a rough year.  So I'm going to start off where I left off.  Port O'Connor Texas ...

       My friend Larry and I decided to move in together in Port O'Connor. I just needed to get back to Arkansas, get packed, and get my meds back in me. 

      

         These photos were taken the day I left Port O'Connor. Both of us crying and he kept saying I wasn't coming back.  I told him I would be back soon and I wasn't going to be gone long.  We had been friends for so long and I was excited about coming back.  It wasn't long after I got to Arkansas that things started  to change.  Larry showed me a new side of him I never knew.  On NOVEMBER 10, 2018 I got a phone call from Larry's step dad.  He had found Larry when he came home, he had hung himself.  I beat myself up for not knowing or not trying hard enough.  I know now I couldn't have saved him.  Also there was so many things he had his from me. 

        So Larry dies and just my luck Ronnie my ex, who already destroyed me once before, came back into my life. Crazy me thought things would be different but they weren't. From November 2018 to May of 2019 Ronnie and I tried us again.   In the time we were together again I was homeless, alone, off medications again, and sending money to Ronnie in Oregon. Here is the poem I wrote for him just before he left.

Portland Bound

Got ok from shrink today.

Doctor said I can go home Yeah!

I look at the exit and I see,

His gorgeous face looking back at me.

All week long not able to see him.

How did he know I needed him again?

The doors opened up and my arms opened wide.

One long hug that melted me deep inside.

"Baby your smile is back.

Now go grab your backpack.

I was headed to Portland Oregon but come back.

I needed your happy face looking back at me."

Now a few days later and time to leave.

His ticket in hand, bags packed and fresh shave.

Inside I'm crying and hate today.

Reminding me I'll be on my way in a few days.

Poem by: Heather Cole

                   12/6/2018

I think this was a good start. Will post more about this last year tomorrow.   Here are few photos to enjoy.

         

TO MY CHILDREN

To My Children

Laughing, smiling, faking happy while crying inside.
Looking at photos of days gone by.
Tears running down my face.
Trying to show some grace.
So many things I left behind.
Makes me cry whenever I see you.
To watch you grow from pictures of your past.
Lets me know my choice was not made too fast.
The day I signed it hurt so much.
I cried so hard that last touch.
I did what I thought was best for you both.
Hoping one day you both could see it was your only hope.
Never a day has gone by I didn't wonder.
If what I did was right for my youngsters.
I see the people you are today.
I think of a day.
Where we can talk and get to know.
Of our pasts and learn to grow.
To you both I hope for the best.
To follow your dreams and let God handle the rest.
Aim higher than I ever dreamed.
Just remember I am always on your team.

Written By: Heather Cole

                    2017