To See The Sea

To See The Sea

Follow me into the unknown.

I'm really tired of being here alone.

I don't have much to call my own.

So please walk with me as I roam.

Sometimes I feel someone is near.

As if they were standing next to me here.

I look over to an empty space next to me in dismay.

While I'm walking my own path along the way.

Feeling close and yet so far away from me.

Like passing ships on the foggy sea.

So close but still to far to see.

Why are you not beside me?

Almost time for me to roam.

Looking for some place to call home.

Will you be waiting there for me to see?

Or will I be left alone by the sea.

Written By: Heather Cole

                    Jan. 15, 2018

Things I Miss

THINGS I MISS

Hello everyone

So while I have been sick with this flu and have hurt my back sneezing and coughing. I have had time to think about things I have been missing. So as I always do I made a list.

1. Safety
2. Family
3. My mind
4. A car
5. A friend nearby
6. Feeling free
7. Love
8. Home
9. A job
10. Being wanted
11. Feeling needed
12. A touch
13. A voice
14. My children
15. My childhood
16. Smiling 
17. Laughing
18. A first kiss
19. Silence in my head
20. The ocean

Im sure I will ad more to this list someday but for now it is what it is. Now maybe I can get some rest tonight we will see.

Heather Cole

Multiple Voices

Multiple Voices

Around and around I go.

My mind it never slows.

Always thinking at a fast pace.

Always moving as if in a race.

Keeping busy helps ease my mind.

Keeps me from listening to voices that are so unkind.

They started again the other day.

I'm trying hard not to listen to them today.

Telling me I'm all alone.

No one wants me at home.

Run away now or else we will come out.

Then they will see what your all about.

Your broken and used.

You have been abused.

No one would want to be around you.

The sad, sick and twisted you.

Your broken and have no spine.

You have been told over and over through time.

The abuse makes you feel alive.

It seems it's the only way you seem to thrive.

You see it don't you now?

You have come to love the abuse any how.

Loved it so much it was the only way.

Blind folded with nothing to say.

Quit looking at me! Why do you stare?

I know there is something wrong up there.

I know I'm unworthy of even a glance.

Not worth the time not even for one chance.

You would only be wasting your time.

I'm sure you wouldn't like my kind.

I've been broken to pieces and cant be fixed.

So go on find another better than this.

I go to bed and often cry myself to sleep.

Piled up in a big heap.

I've accepted my life and want to be left alone.

I don't deserve anyone to call my own.

As I write these words out of my head.

I really wish sometimes I was dead.

Written By: Heather Cole

                    Jan. 7, 2018

This might change at some point. I like it but its not right yet.

Sadness

Sadness

Sadness has come to play.

It's hard to get it to go away.

So easy to just sit and cry all day.

So much sadness is here to stay.

I've tried so hard to make it stop.

It just won't go away no matter what.

I tried drinking until I could not see.

Doing drugs to block it from my memory.

Drinking worked for a little while.

Often giving me a fake smile.

Drugs worked better than the drink.

Even changed the way I think.

When drugs stopped working so well.

The voices inside began to yell.

Telling me to run away GO!

Just run away and don't tell a soul.

So I jump at a chance to be free.

A rare chance to not be be.

Written By: Heather Cole

                   6/28/2017

Home

Home

It has been almost a year

Been on the road running in fear.

So much has happened in this time.

Hoping and praying that soon I will be fine.

Thinking my family would be better off without me.

Only wanting the voices to let me be.

Lost with only the voices in my head.

Really just wishing I was dead.

With so many in my mind at one time.

Hearing them say things so unkind.

Finally home and in my own bed.

Wish it would stop the voices in my head.

Written By: Heather Cole

Voices Interupting

Voices Interrupting

Sitting and listening to them all

Just want to smash my head into a wall

Unsure of which one is right

They are always trying to fight

I wonder off into the unknown

Later realizing I am not at home

The voices are still in my head

Making me wish I was dead

Why cant they just go away

I pray for their silence everyday

Still they keep telling me to end my worthless life

To go ahead and grab the knife

As I look down at my feet in tears

I see a cliff that is near

Why didn't I think of this before

You guys wont bother me anymore

I leap off and finally feel free

No more voices taunting me

Heather Cole

Feb 2018

My Unmedicated Mind

My Unmedicated Mind

Heather is not here today.

I am here to help her get away.

Her past is pushing up in her mind.

I hid her somewhere she could not find.

She was doing good again in denial.

But once again she heard the voices after while.

I told her to stop writing them for all to see.

That is how you came to meet me.

Now she feels like running away.

And I am here to make her stay.

All the years we have helped her cope.

Giving her a sense of hope.

Im fighting with her to rest a bit.

I fear she is not ready and she may split.

I know you were only trying to help her dear.

Be ready when she wakes in fear.

You may see a strong woman there.

I see shes week and needs me here.

Maybe you are abl to help her heal now.

FINE! I will let her come out and talk for now.

Written By: Heather Cole