Curiosity

Curiosity

I am always making lists for everything. Things I need to do for the day, things I need from store, mental notes that change constantly, and for whatever reason I can come up with for a list. So here is another list. Kind of sad list but was on a bad day as usual.


What my last words might be...

1. I had a blast all !
2. Its been nice.
3. Time to go.
4. Wonder if I am going to Heaven?
5. Wish I could have kept love.
6. Sorry if I was not there for you.
7. So much left I wanted to do.
8. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you.
9. This is not what I expected in the end.
10. I wish I had not felt rejected.
11. Bad memories are almost gone finally.
12. The voices can no longer hurt me.
13. I was scared and saw no other choice.
14. No one could hear my inner voice.
15. This life is finally over.
16. I never figured life out.
17. Don't cry please.
18. My mind has finally stopped hurting me.
19. I will always miss my family.
20. I just got tired of being tough.
21. I knew this would happen one day.
22. I'm sorry I hope you will understand one day.
23. This hurts to much wish I had done something else.
24. One more shot bartender please.
25. One..two..three..JUMP
26. Peace at last !
27. Man that was fun wasn't it?
28. Hold my hand.
29. I don't want to die this way.
30. I should have said more.

Written By: Heather Cole

                    3/1/2018

Goodbye 2017

Goodbye 2017

Goodbye 2017 you were the year of tears

Showing me so much fear

The ups and downs were not easy

Hearing voices in my head tease me

The awesome boyfriend seemed a good fit

Instead his crazy ideas put me through quite a bit

Everything is etched in my memory

The voices, being lost, the lies and jealousy

Doing things I would not normally do

Just barely making it through

The paranoia pounded in my head

Convincing me someone wanted me dead

So much chaos made my mind unclear

Making the voices easier to hear

For a moment everything seemed within reach

Then all the sudden homeless on a beach

Having to go through so much

I began to lose touch

The loss I felt in September

Is something I will always remember

To scared to call home

I spent the year feeling lost and alone

So goodbye 2017 you are in the past

Time to stop the voices and rest at last

Written By: Heather Cole

                    12/31/17

Praying

Praying

Thinking one day

When was the last time I prayed

I forgot when

So I decided to pray right then

God, I hope your listening to what I say

Please help me each day

Free me from these voices in my mind

They have been so unkind

Take away all this pain I feel

Please God help me heal

As I finished I could feel the release

My mind was calm, body more at ease

Thank you God its nice to speak again

I've always known you are my friend

AMEN

Written By: Heather Cole

                    9/5/2017

Walking Thoughts

Walking Thoughts

Music up all the way

Mind begins to slip away

Feet moving to the beat

Moving me on down the street

Seeing cars as they pass

Look there are pieces from a crash

Saw something dead about a mile back

Looks like someone tried to put it in a sack

Trash on the ground everywhere

More people should care

Music playing loud still for me

As I watch cars go by me

Heather Cole

2/19/18

The Day We Met

The Day We Met

Look in the mirror and what do I see

A new face staring back at me

It wasn't always like this

I'm happy to see it, it was missed

The face was found just in time I must say

When my life was in disarray

The moment it happened, I an tell you the exact day

February 21 on a cold wet day

I was nervous and began to pop my knuckles

Glad I was sitting I'm sure my legs would have buckled

He looked so calm and at ease that day

I didn't know what to say

At that moment it all began

To think I almost ran

Written By:  Heather Cole

                     April 25, 2017

Things To Think About Daily In 2018

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT DAILY IN 2018

I wrote this the beginning of the year and today was first time I looked at it again. I really need to listen to myself sometimes.

1. Words hurt
2. Hiding things even with good intentions hurts
3. Actions speak volumes
4. Cant please everyone
5. Keep goals updated
6. The past is gone
7. Pray and be thankful
8. Stay positive
9. Stay focused
10. Keep looking forward
11. My family
12. My art work
13. The voices in my head are not real
14. Think before listen to the voices
15. Think before I speak to the voices
16. Remind myself that I am OK
17. Write more often
18. Get my first book published
19. I am not who I used to be
20. I create my own destiny
21. Reread my writing
22. Update my blog every day
23. Take my medications
24. Talk to someone if I need to
25. Start an art therapy group

What you think? Some of these seem like I should remember them like most people would but I don't.

Written By: Heather Cole
                    1/2018

To See The Sea

To See The Sea

Follow me into the unknown.

I'm really tired of being here alone.

I don't have much to call my own.

So please walk with me as I roam.

Sometimes I feel someone is near.

As if they were standing next to me here.

I look over to an empty space next to me in dismay.

While I'm walking my own path along the way.

Feeling close and yet so far away from me.

Like passing ships on the foggy sea.

So close but still to far to see.

Why are you not beside me?

Almost time for me to roam.

Looking for some place to call home.

Will you be waiting there for me to see?

Or will I be left alone by the sea.

Written By: Heather Cole

                    Jan. 15, 2018