REMEMBERING

REMEMBERING

Mind racing, head throbbing, voices screaming in my head.
Millions of thoughts won't stop even in bed.
Voices shout "IT CAN GET WORSE".
I look in the mirror and curse.

I'm not alone inside these walls.
I can be a new me everyday after all.
One comes out to help each day.
To handle what I can't anyway.

They drink and have fun.
Also help me run.
Look at the unfamiliar faces.
How did I get to these places?

I want to come out of this shell.
Screaming " LET ME OUT OF THIS HELL".
Writing everyday.
Helps to remember it all along the way.

Read them to myself.
Remember how I dealt.
Amazed at all I've done.
Realizing I hurt everyone.

Another voice inside.
A voice I need to hide.
Lost with no end in sight.
Trying to win an unbeatable fight.

Planning my next move in life.
Cutting myself with a knife.
Lost in time.
Don't want to follow the voices in my mind.

Screaming HELP! everyday.
Voices just won't go away.


Written By: Heather Cole
                    2017


Sorry all for not posting lately. Having some problems sleeping and been feeling really low. Didn't help that my hot spot quit working on me also. Everyday is a struggle lately. With my mood swings, panic attacks, kidney stones and voices fighting in my head, I am shocked I'm not in state hospital again. Nightmares coming back doesn't help either. I am already working on blog post for tomorrow. Have a good night all.

Heather Cole

CRAPPY PEP TALK

Crappy Pep Talk

Thoughts moving so fast

Can't keep hiding from the past.

The past will only keep you down

Let it out and lose that frown.

Once it's off your chest

You will finally get some rest.

Speak the words is what you must do

Once it's done you will feel new.

Or put down with pen and paper.

You will thank me later.

Written By: Heather Cole

                     11/2/2017

Well it's 5 am and I've had about 3 hours sleep. Can't seem to shut things off lately. So got up and decided to post a pep talk I wrote for myself. Hoping the rest of week goes better. Have a great day everyone.

Heather Cole

So tired

SO TIRED

Its been s couple nights since I have had some good sleep. I am still taking  my meds but when you have a negative person constantly making you feel like your going nuts its not easy. I live with my mom for now and her ex boyfriend is here also. Hes a piece of trash. He is one of those people who will look at you and give you a compliment and at same time he is letting you know he dont like you and your useless. I swear he has been talking under his breath around me. At first I thought it was the voices in my head coming back. While I was cleaning up kitchen last night all he did was complain about me being useless and lazy. Then he sat there and told me if it wasnt for him I would still be homeless. Telling me he takled mom into letting me come back home. Not 5 minutes later he is saying how difficult its been for him to be nice to me. WTF. I started packing a bag last night to hit the road again. between him and the voices picking on me I just want to be away from them.  I spent most of my year last year on the road running because I thought people were trying to kill me. It was a hard year not talking to my mom or my brothers much. Im glad I made it but some people just make it hard.

Ok I am done ranting right now. Time to sit down with my sketch pad and calm my mind. Have a blessed day everyone.

Heather Cole
3/5/2018

Sleepy

Sleepy

So sleepy I can barely see.

Just want to get comfy.

Pull back the blanket and the sheet.

Fluff my pillows nice and neat.

Get snuggled in and warm my feet.

Eyes getting heavier its time I sleep.

Written By: Heather Cole

                    2/23/18

Having a pretty good day. Not feeling so sad or lonely. Nice to right something kinda cute and funny. Have a good night everyone.